


Declarations

by Again_n_Again



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Established Relationship, First Times, M/M, admitting to love, like more than 3/4 smut, this is just another dream...because all I do is dream pynch.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 03:24:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5441660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Again_n_Again/pseuds/Again_n_Again
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Ronan have just started "dating" ...is that what they're doing? They kiss a lot, but that's all.  Ronan makes a declaration, and Adam does't know how to respond right away.  He knows he doesn't want to ruin this new and fragile thing between them, but is he ready to jump in fully?  </p><p> </p><p>Love and fluff and smut.  Just how I like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Declarations

_He is really nice to look at_.  Adam guesses he’s always known this but it’s been a fairly recent development that he’s allowed himself to think it – to _know_ that he thinks it.  Adam, leans up on one of his elbows, raising himself to get a better look at Ronan who is curled up next to him, breathing evenly, peacefully, in his sleep.   With one finger Adam trails a line from Ronan’s temple, to follow the line of his jaw, letting it dip behind his ear.  Adam wants to kiss him there.  He could. He should. They’ve been doing this for a couple weeks now, but there is still something that keeps Adam feeling like he has to ask, or that he needs to put some sort of distance between them. 

Ronan definitely does not have that problem.  Whenever they’re together he can see, no - he can _feel_ Ronan’s thinly cloaked restraint.  Adam hadn’t asked for it…hadn’t told Ronan that he wanted to go slow, but maybe he really wasn’t all that unknowable.  Not to Ronan at least. 

As Adam watches Ronan, letting his fingers dwell on his skin, Ronan's breath speeds up a marginally, as if he can feel Adam touching him and he wonders if he’s struggling to wake up.  Usually, Adam's not the first one to wake in the mornings; well, not if he doesn’t have work or school.  He usually has to basically throw Ronan out to make it to work on time.  But, last night had not been the easiest on either of them, and maybe Ronan needed to sleep it off.

Ronan had come over to St. Agnes after Adam's shift at the shop, like he usually did.  Adam needed to shower, wanting to wash the grease and grime off himself before they inevitably started kissing.  Then Adam got a terrible idea.  Ronan had been taking what little Adam could offer for a little over three weeks now, and while Adam could no longer deny that he had romantic feelings towards Ronan, doing anything other than kissing felt like crossing a line that would mean something definitive about himself and his sexuality.  Every time things got heated, when kissing felt like just _not enough_ , Ronan would start to move his hands, slowly – asking.  Simple touches, on Adam’s back, his knee, his hip…but it wasn’t enough.  Ronan's fingers burned him, and it was new and terrible and wonderful and scary.  Adam never touched, but hell, he wanted to.  Goddamn Ronan for it!  He was tearing Adam’s mind apart.  He shouldn’t be surprised.  And when Adam would pull away, (like he always did) Ronan wouldn’t grumble or push or even smirk, he’d just change the subject like nothing in the world was wrong or strange or changing between them, and when Adam finally got his breathing under control, he could almost believe it. 

But last night…as he washed the last suds of shampoo from his hair, he couldn’t stop thinking about how naked he was and how Ronan was so close, just on the other side of that door.  He laughed a little at the thought.  He hoped Ronan didn’t hear him.  How ridiculous.  He’d showered with Ronan near by a million times before - at school, here in his apartment.  What was he even going on about?  But his mind kept reeling; he wondered if Ronan would want to see him this way.  Then he wondered what Ronan would look like this way, and arousal crashed over him like a tidal wave.  And the reasons why he was always keeping himself just out of arms reach were feeling juvenile.  He wanted Ronan to touch him.  Why did it matter what name he put to that feeling?  Ronan didn’t ask him for declarations of _gayness_ or _straightness_ …and he was torturing himself with want…for what?  That’s when he made the very bad decision. 

Adam always brought his cloths in the bathroom with him now that they were…what? Dating?  He had been very good about keeping temptation, and therefore, unnecessary nakedness, at a minimum…but he didn’t want to do that anymore.  He wanted to make a jump, so he pushed his towel a little lower on his hips, and studied himself in the bathroom mirror.  His hair was wet, and laid limply across his forehead.  He toweled it off a little more and then ran his fingers through it.  Good enough.  He wished he wasn’t so thin.  There was definition to his body, (he worked enough) but he wasn’t as big as Ronan or Gansey.  Could he do this?  Would Ronan laugh at him?  How do you even seduce a boy?  _What the Fuck?_   He was a mess.

Adam took a deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom.  Ronan was sitting on the edge of his bed, just where he left him, and when he looked up, his causal smile fell into something like horror. 

Adam instantly regretted this decision. All the saliva in his mouth got stuck in a hard lump in his throat.  He tried to swallow it down, and watched Ronan’s eyes trace the movement of his neck.  His eyes didn’t make their way back up to his face for a long moment and when they did Ronan’s face was the color of Blue’s brightest barrettes.

“I…uh..” Adam stuttered.  He what?  What was he even doing?

Ronan stood up, quickly.  Then sat right back down, looking embarrassed. 

“So, how was work?” Ronan asked, trying desperately to sound casual.  “Do you want to go over your essay again?”  He spoke with his eyes on the floor.

 _Here it was.  Now or never,_ Adam thought. He could just walked back into the bathroom and get dressed, and then this would pass again, Ronan was giving him that option. But then how much longer would they dance around each other the way they had been doing?

If Adam went and got dressed, Ronan would kiss him hello and then they would study and sleep, and that would be that.  It had to be now, if Adam wanted anything more.

So, he tried to push down the nerves vibrating under his skin, and walked over to Ronan, sitting next to him on the bed, and took Ronan’s hand in his own.  It was burning hot.  Everything about Ronan was fire.  Adam wanted it.  Ronan looked at him then, a smug grin plastered stiff on his face, but Adam knew Ronan enough now to understand that this was his wall going up.  He needed to shut him up before he said something offensive.  So he kissed him. 

It was different this time.  Kissing with no clothes on will do that to a kiss.  Ronan kept his hands in place.  One on the bed, and one on Adam’s lap, still grasping his own.  They both squeezed tight.  Then Adam made his move.  He thought his heart would beat right out of his chest, probably just to flutter over to Ronan and sit, perched on his shoulder, another one of his pets.  

Adam took Ronan’s hand and placed it on his waist between his hip and ribs.  Ronan made a squeaking sound in his throat.  It was wonderful.  Not a growl or a curse, but something more vulnerable.  Something honest that told Adam he had the power here; and for a boy who never felt like he had any, it was the strongest kind of aphrodisiac.  He pushed himself against Ronan, his still damp chest clinging to Ronan’s tank.  Ronan melted against him, making that noise again that burrowed somewhere deep in Adam’s gut.  Adam pushed harder, knowing what would happen, but still being shocked when Ronan let himself fall back onto the bed.  Adam shifted himself over Ronan, luxuriating in the feeling of the boy beneath him.  Ronan Lynch: Greywarren, fighter, devil, snake, underneath him, barely breathing through their wet kisses. 

Ronan’s hands were running up and down Adam’s sides, digging into the slots between his ribs, clutching at his arms.  When he grabbed Adam's knee, his towel almost fell open.  Adam clutched at it, keeping it closed.  It was futile really, so he just situated himself more neatly on top of Ronan.  This was new...he needed to breathe, and when he pulled away, desperate and gasping for breath, the look on Ronan’s face told him everything he needed to know; everything he wasn’t sure about himself, about them, was _right there_ , swimming in Ronan’s dark wide eyes. He wanted him.  He wanted this.  Adam straddled Ronan then, placing his other leg on the opposite side of Ronan's hip,  and for a second Ronan’s eyes snapped closed as he hissed a curse.  Adam felt why.  Ronan was straining against his jeans, and Adam had just put all his wieght on him.  There bodies linking together pleasurably.  They fit.  Adam hoped that Ronan didn't look down.  The towel was a pathetic cover now, and Adam could feel the zipper of Ronan's jeans under his thigh.   It wasn’t that Ronan and Adam hadn’t turned each other on before, but this was definitely the first time he felt it, the first time they were touching this way....so close.  Adam loved it.  Loved the way Ronan looked at him this way.  Loved the way he felt underneath him. Loved the sounds he made.  Loved the way Ronan made him feel like he was just… something better.  He loved….he loved…  _Shit._  

Adam shook his head, trying to toss the thoughts aside, and bent down to take Ronan’s lips again, making sure to roll body down along the way, grinding into Ronan in a move that made them both shudder. How could it be so easy to feel this good?  Did everyone know about this?  How did anything else ever get done?

Ronan twisted under him, and opened his mouth wider to let Adam taste him deeper.  He couldn’t stay still, and Adam had to hold back a giggle.  It was almost sweet the way Ronan had no defenses here.  In real life Ronan was pretty much a walking rampart, but here, he was wide open, his walls rubble beneath Adam’s fingers.

Adam moved to Ronan’s neck, leaving wet marks to cool along his jaw and collarbone.  He tasted a little bit like grass and leather and...boy.

“I’m sorry.”  Ronan abruptly choked out.  It sounded like a sob, and it stopped Adam in his tracks. 

“What?”  He asked.  Trying to look Ronan in the eye, but Ronan was looking at the wall.  Then, just as suddenly his jaw set.  Adam could see his resolve; watched as Ronan committed to whatever it was he was thinking, and with visible effort he faced Adam and looked into his eyes. Ronan looked angry, and Adam felt his stomach drop.

“I want you.”  Ronan said it like it was an insult.  Like he was waiting to get hit for it.  His eyes were dark, his lips, red and swollen, but defiant.

Adam just grinned. Relief coursing through him.

“Uh, yeah.  I can see that.”  Adam smirked, his eyebrows raised in amusement.  He bent down again and kept up the sweet torture of Ronan’s skin, internally admonishing himself for waiting so long for this.

Ronan whimpered again, _Shit! That sound_! It was now one of Adam’s favorite in the world.  He growled into Ronan’s neck, giving a little love bite to show his appreciation.

“No.  Adam.”  Ronan continued, his body going stiff under him.  “I love you.”

Adam froze, his mouth gaping open, teeth scraping Ronan’s shoulder. He didn’t move.  He didn’t look up.  He just stayed there, not sure what to do. 

The thing is…this wasn’t the first time Ronan had said this.  It happened once before.  The first time they kissed actually; but everything turned to chaos after that, and Adam thought he was being a decent friend by not bringing it up again.  He couldn't have actually meant it.  He had thought that maybe Ronan was just caught up in the moment of their first kiss.  

 _This_ was not that. 

Adam had been so worried about what internal declarations he might make tonight, and here was Ronan actually making one.  The most important one.

“I don’t..."  Ronan contiuned.  "UGH! - I don’t expect you to say anything back.  Shit!  I just…It was feeling like a lie.  Not being honest with you - about what this means to me.” 

Ronan jerked a little underneath him, and then taking a deep breath, settled himself back down.  Adam wondered if he was fighting the urge to flee.

“Whatever.  I just thought you should know.”  Ronan finished.

Adam took a deep breath and prayed to Ronan’s god, that he wouldn’t do the wrong thing here…that he would be able to save this moment, and not kill it, not hurt him.  He didn’t trust his words though, even though he knew that’s what Ronan needed most. How could Adam have the words for this?

Sitting up slowly, balancing his weight on his shaking legs, he cupped Ronan’s face with his hands.  Ronan looked at him with narrowed eyes.  His face was a blank wall...he would give nothing away.  So Adam kissed him. 

Ronan didn’t reciprocate right away, but he let Adam kiss him.  He didn’t push him away, and that was something.  Adam tried to put his feelings into the kiss.  It was slow and soft and Adam treated Ronan’s lips like they were precious, because they were.  He nipped at his mouth, tasted him with his tongue and deepened the kiss until Ronan finally became pliant again under him.  Ronan made that noise again; Adam was going mad with it.

 

“God! Ronan…that noise you make.”  He sucked on his bottom lip.

“What?  What noise?  I’m don’t make any fucking noise!”

Adam just laughed a little and kissed and touched Ronan in ways to draw the sound from him again and again.  Each time he managed it Adam lit up like a Christmas tree.  What a gift it was.

Ronan’s hands started racing over his body again, and he heard his own groans get swallowed up in Ronan’s mouth.  He figured it wasn’t as easy as he thought to keep quiet against the assault of feeling.

One of Ronan’s hands pushed up from Adam’s knee over his thigh, and reached the bottom of the towel.  Adam growled a little at the feeling.  He couldn’t help it.  His skin was on fire.  Ronan’s hands stayed there, playing with the edge of the towel, lightly pulling at it, his fingers dipping over and just underneath. 

There was nothing stopping Ronan’s hand, and cautiously he moved it further up and under, gripping Adam’s hip, pushing him down harder against him as Ronan bucked up.  Adam went weak, his limbs and willpower deserting him.  

Ronan’s thumb, the bastard, moved lazily, grazing up and down in the softest part of Adam’s underbelly.  And when his thumb went down, down, down, it pulled at the little hairs there.  He was so close.  Not close enough.

Adam panted against Ronan, but he didn’t pull away.  He wouldn’t pull away from Ronan ever again.  Ronan’s hand moved then, traveling back down Adam’s thigh, halfway back to his knee, before moving inward and traveling back up.  Adam’s breath got stuck in his throat.  Was this really happening?  And then it did. 

Ronan cupped him, fingers moving up from Adam’s balls and then all the way to the top of his dick before wrapping around him and going back down to the base. 

Adam shuttered, he saw sparks of white behind his eyes.  He wanted this so badly.  He could feel his pulse beating through his veins, was sure Ronan could feel it in his own hand.  And when Ronan started to really move, Adam sagged against him, unable to stop rocking back and forth on Ronan’s lap.  He pressed his forehead to Ronan’s, and tried to kiss him, but he couldn’t focus.  He mostly just breathed open mouthed into Ronan’s mouth.  He lost track of his own body. 

All he could think was: _Ronan is touching me.  Ronan’s hands are on me. Ronan is so fucking hard under me._

 _Ronan Ronan Ronan Ronan.  Please please please please._  

Ronan started moving his hand faster and Adam wondered if he should be embarrassed at how good it felt, and how quickly he was coming undone under just Ronan’s touch. 

“Fuck! Adam.”  Ronan whispered breathily into Adam’s ear.  He sounded just as wrecked. 

“You’re so hard.  I can’t believe it.”

Adam could believe it.  He had waited eighteen years for this, and now he felt like he may just die from the relief of it. But he imagined Ronan’s relief was for other reasons.

“Ronan, I’m gunna…”

Ronan pulled him in close for a near smothering kiss - Adam let go.  Or more likely the world let go of Adam.  He felt flung from himself, out into nothing, all he could feel was Ronan’s wet tongue, and Ronan’s now wet hand, working him through the last reverberations of his orgasm.  He was decimated. 

Ronan kissed Adam again, a conclusion, an ending, and then wiped his hand on Adam’s towel.  He pulled himself out easily from underneath Adam, and Adam wondered if it was because he was just so physically spent, or if Ronan had been indulging him the entire time, staying put because Adam wanted him there.

“Where are you going?”  Adam asked, looking a little sheepish.

“Just to piss…and Wash my hands.”  Ronan held his hand out, knuckles facing Adam, and waggling them suggestively.  Adam rolled his eyes at Ronan answering grin, really it was impressive how explicit Ronan could make a simple smile.

When Ronan came out of the bathroom he took off his tank and walked to the bed.  Adam always did admire Ronan’s physique, and getting to watch him undress was a new privilege.  As Ronan took the next few steps to the bed, Adam mentally prepared himself for taking the next big leap.  What would Ronan want to do now?  He must be painfully wound up, if he was anywhere near to what Adam had been feeling.  Adam quickly wondered what he felt comfortable giving to/ doing to Ronan? 

 _Anything,_ he thought and it shocked him.  But it was true.   _Anything._

Adam's heart and excitement was running wild as Ronan came back to the bed, but Ronan just turned off the light, and laid down without another word.  He pulled the sheet up over them both.  Adam was confused. 

“Are you tired?”  He asked Ronan.

“Sure.  Aren’t you?” 

“Um…yes.  I guess.”  The air was tight with tension.  How did that happen? 

“You don’t want…?”  Adam continued, but he couldn’t finish that sentence.  What would he say? 

“Want what, Parrish?”   _Parrish_.  _Dammit._ Adam thought.  

Ronan’s voice was already hardening.

“Nothing.  Fine.” 

Adam got up and walked to the bathroom to pee and clean up.  He grabbed a clean pair of boxers in the dark room.  Having a tiny apartment was good for something.  He could easily find his way around with his eyes closed.  He slipped them on next to bed, but Ronan was already looking away, lying on his side. 

Adam got into bed next to him, making himself the big spoon.  Wrapping an arm across Ronan’s waist he kissed his neck.  Ronan leaned into it.  That, at least, was something.  The knots in Adam’s stomach loosened a fraction.

“Thank you.”  Adam whispered into the dark, then immediately hated himself for saying it.  He knew what Ronan would think he was talking about, and in a way he guessed he was.  Adam  _was_ thankful that Ronan loved him.  He was thankful of the way he just touched him, and the way he stayed here with him, even though Ronan’s instinct was probably telling him to get out - to race, to drink, to fight.  But he didn’t do any of those things.  He just let Adam curl into him, and Adam was thankful.  He was thankful for all of Ronan.

Ronan just scoffed.  He didn’t say anything else, so Adam just held him tight.

Then, eventually, they fell asleep.

***

Ronan stirs again, and Adam knows he should tell him.  Why do the words always get caught in his throat?  He knows it’s true.  He knows it will ease the struggle warring within Ronan, so why can’t he just say it? 

Ronan’s always been so patient with him; kind, even.  And last night!  _Holy Shit._   Adam thought his bones would break with the need of him.  As Adam watches Ronan now, he thinks of the little noises Ronan made.  Ronan probably thought they were something like ferocious growls, but really they were more like purrs.  Adam can’t help it; he laughs. 

Ronan’s eyes open.  “Laughing at me already Parrish?”

“You look adorable when you sleep.”  Adam admits.

Ronan just raises a disbelieving eyebrow at him

“I think you may be the first person to ever think so.” He answers.

“Oh yeah?” Adam teases.  “Have you been sleeping in lots of other boys beds?  Was there a consensus?”

Ronan just stretches out, pushing Adam away from him playfully.

Adam grabs Ronan’s handm he's quicker than Ronan ever gives him credit for.  

Ronan is warm with sleep and soft, and just _so_ _Ronan,_ and Adam wants to hear him purr again.  

Adam pulls hard, and Ronan rolls not completely willing, on top of Adam.

“Fuck Adam…I’m going to crush you.”

“Not likely.  I’m half forest, remember?”   Adam says, managing to land a quick peck on Ronan’s lips.

Ronan’s face twists up into something worrisome, eyebrows scrunching together and he pulls himself away.  Ronan lies back on his side, facing the wall. 

Adam hates this.  He doesn’t want the wall to go back up, not now…not after last night.   Not ever.

He pulls Ronan close again.  Back to chest.  Their skin is tacky with early morning sweat. 

“When do you have to be to work?” Ronan asks, because he can’t help himself.

“Not until tonight; four o’clock.  I have a while.”

Adam feels Ronan’s body relax a little, and it’s the tenderness in his movements that get him.  He places his hand flat against Ronan’s stomach and rubs him lightly.  Ronan’s head falls forward a little.  He can’t help leaning in to Adam’s touch, even if he knows he shouldn’t let himself get used to it. 

Adam kisses his exposed neck. 

“Make that sound again.”  Adam orders into Ronan’s ear.

Ronan stiffens.  “What?”

His voice is poison.  Adam ignores it.

 “Common.  Do it.”

“I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”

“You purr…”

“The fuck I do!  Listen, if you want to lay here and be a dick..”

Adam cuts him off and nips at Ronan’s ear.  “I love it.” 

Ronan just grumbles. 

“That’s not the noise I mean.”  Adam teases again.

“I don’t make fucking noises Parrish!”

Adam can tell he’s getting frustrated, that he might try to get up and go, so he holds him tighter, grabbing him with his hand, and continues rubbing his belly, his hips, his sides.  Adam is hard again, just thinking about how Ronan looked beneath him, how he sounded, and he knows Ronan must feel it.  He’s holding him too close.  He wants the walls back down, and he knows he has to break down his own, if he expects Ronan to ever do the same.

He curls himself around Ronan, tighter.  Not totally on purpose, he just wants…

He lets his hand go lower…his pinky dipping into Ronan’s waistband. 

Adam kisses his neck and the soft spot between it and his shoulder.

“Adam…listen.”  Ronan says, trying to speak through his labored breaths.  Adam loves how fast they can get each other to this point.  They’re both just tinder in each other hands, always ready to ignite.

Adam whispers over his ear “I love you.” 

Ronan stills beneath him.

“Don’t. - Adam, you can’t just...”

“Just shut up and listen, Lynch.  Of course I do.  **Of** **fucking** **course**.”

Adam dips his hand lower into Ronan’s shorts, sticking his tongue in his ear.

Ronan purrs.

“There it is.” Adam smiles the words, his lips curling over Ronan's ear.

Ronan stiffens

“Fuck you.”

“Stop it.  I love it.”

“I thought you just said you loved me.” Ronan teases.  He’s trying to poke the bear.  It won’t work.  Adam has him right where he wants him.

“I did.”  Adam agrees. “Do you need to hear it again?”

Ronan doesn't answer, but he pushes himself back further into Adam, who shamelessly grinds into him.  Finally, finally, he lets himself touch Ronan. 

Ronan’s breath comes out like a flood.  They rock together as Adam slowly, agonizingly, strokes him. 

***

Ronan is dreaming.  He has to be.  With Adam’s hand down his pants, Adam’s mouth on his neck, and Adam’s dick pressed up against him….it’s almost too much....he can't think through it.

“I love you.  So goddamn much.” Adam says then, voice husky and wet in Ronan’s abused ear. 

Ronan comes. 

 

***

That morning they shower together, allowing each other to fully see the other for the first time.  They wouldn’t be ashamed anymore.  Adam lets Ronan take him to work, leaving extra early, so they can swing by Monmouth to officially tell Gansey and Noah, though they’re sure Noah somehow already knows.  Ronan thinks he should be the one to say it to Gansey.  He’s never told his best friend that he’s gay;  he almost had…so many times, but the words always got lost somewhere in their search and their busy confusing lives.   Still, he feels like it should come from him.   _Pride_ , Adam thinks.

Ronan stands straight when he talks.  He makes a couple offhand jokes, but Adam can see the anxiety in the set of his jaw.  Adam knows his worries are misplaced.  Gansey would never reject Ronan.  If he hadn’t yet over the drinking and the racing,  Ronan loving would be no matter at all to Gansey, no matter who it was. 

Adam had told Ronan this, but he wasn’t able to completely convince him.  Ronan hid his worry well, but Adam had just gotten better at seeing it. 

Gansey was of course politely congratulatory, and slightly pink around his neck.

Noah flickered in and out a couple times in gleeful sputters.

 

On their way out, Gansey calls,

“Take it easy on him Parrish!”

Ronan whirls around, looking affronted.  He was supposed to be the dangerous one, after all.  But they all knew better.

Adam can’t help snickering at Ronan’s aghast face.  “Sure thing, Dick!”  


End file.
